Avoid if you like sleep, clean floors, or functioning appliances. We had to change rooms because the first one looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since the dinosaurs checked out and surprise! No couch. Our poor son had to sleep on the “flavored” tile (definitely not chocolate). The next day, we upgraded to two beds after realizing the photos online were from a parallel universe.
Front desk said 15 minutes. An hour later, we were sweating in the hallway like rejected extras from a reality show, watching housekeeping try their best with a dirty mop that from I could guess was dipped in swamp water. The “cleaned” floors were so sticky it felt like we were walking on used lollipops for the rest of our stay.
Bathroom? Very hairy. Beds? Like sleeping on a sack of potatoes. The microwave looked like it survived a zombie apocalypse with no plate and no hope. The fridge hadn’t grown mold (yet), but still smelled like expired lunchables.
Nighttime was thrilling especially if you enjoy 3am shouting matches and waking up to someone screaming expletives outside your window like it’s WWE Monday Night Raw.
Breakfast? Doesn’t exist. The pool? Decoration only.
Bonus thrill: no deadbolt on the door because who doesn’t want to live on the edge and practice their ninja moves in the middle of the night?
If you’re bringing your family, do yourself a favor and book somewhere else. Or at least bring a hazmat suit, noise-canceling headphones, a few weapons and your own appliances.